Boom!  Squish!  And that pedestrian just hit by a car sticks to it – for safety’s sake.  Really.  The idea is that instead of being thrown around the street or run-over, the victim would receive no further injuries than those caused by the initial impact.  Google wants this for its autonomous cars.

Solve one problem; create another.  How do you get the victim unstuck and to the hospital?  Maybe special jump-suits with enough neck to ankle zippers to allow disengagement from the goo.  Better yet, an algorithm that enables the car to drive the victim to the hospital all by itself.  Not only would that save valuable time, but it would cut-out those pesky middlemen who drive the ambulance.

Y’know, it might become illegal to have your car waxed at the car wash.  The adhesive effect of the stickum would be compromised.

A whole new concept of road film might develop: not just grit and squashed bugs, but dried leaves, styrofoam cups, and occasionally small animals struggling to free themselves.

“Bet you can’t”   “Bet I can.”  “Hey Jeff, Bobby says he can kiss the front bumper of Mr. Bigelow’s new car and not stick to it.”

“Just a minute, just a minute!  Let me understand this.  You’re telling me that my car, MY CAR, after dropping-off Hazel and Sasha at your house to play with Maryanne, abducted your cat Alexander Hamilton?”   “Well, y’know how cars love to rub up against things.  Hammi was doing that to your car just before it backed out of the driveway and came home.  Poor thing yowled all the way. “O.K. let’s go outside and take a look.  OMG!  It IS Alexander Hamilton glued to the front of my car.”

“Hello Emergency?  Please hurry to my garage.  I’ve stumbled and fallen onto my car, and I can’t get off!”

1-14-2017